you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
