A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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