The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize