I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
