Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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