Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
