We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
