i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
