i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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