Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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