Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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