i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
