Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
