420 ftw
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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