he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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