Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
