I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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