in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
