That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
