for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
