Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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