you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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