I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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