Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
