the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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