Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Couch. On fire.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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