you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its liver damage thursday
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