Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize