Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
