An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
