Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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