I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
