God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I want her autograph on my taint
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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