the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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