I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
