I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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