I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
