In the future we'll all be gay
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
