Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
