We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
