Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize