Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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