he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
