physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
