hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
