my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
