In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
