I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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