so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My balls are so social today.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
