I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
