She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
