So drunk its hurt
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize