Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
