Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
