Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
