I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
