if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
