It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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