He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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