What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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