my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
