This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
