drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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