How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
