I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
