just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
