Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize