and you said cock pushups were impossible
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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