watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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